The universe wants to fuck you.

This may sound like a bad thing. By the time you notice it could be a good thing, there’s all this resistance built up that probably should dissolve a bit before we can check out how good of a thing it is.

But just as struggling when the universe fucks you is deeply pointless ¹, unbuilding resistance through struggle never got me anywhere.

But to get back to the point: you, me, the universe. Wanna get it oan toniyeeite? That’s what all this talk about ‘the beloved’ is about, yesno? I’m sort of wary of the tendency to not take that word for a too literal image, ’cause it implies that fucking is something to be overcome. We’ll see, but for now, that seems like just another throwback to asceticism.

1) although it might appear sexy to some ²

2) really? who? or even, where?

New policy: dump any draft.

Yes it’s true, I can draft however much I want but it’s been shown that I will not edit drafts into audience-friendly form on my own. Maybe later, or when I get enough complaints (hellooooho?). So here goes! Relax, read, enjoy, wonder WTF I’m on about this time, shoot me an email or a comment and I’ll feel invited to elucidate.

In some strains of neo-advaitic theory absolutism and/or nihilism is way too prevalent to feel healthy anymore. Particularly useless if making use of enlightenment for healing is attempted. Looking at you Byron Katie. (Isaac Shapiro I’m holding out hope for, smart dude that.) Also a so called enlightened world view that forgets who it is that spends all this time doing all this stuff that it (the view i.e.) busily keeps declaring illusionary or irrelevant is sort of cutely dumb.

But I seem to be getting on the scent of a fullness-transcendence that is an alternative to the emptiness thingy that advaitics teach. (-> explain fullness …)

Maybe a third kind, something to do with how awareness and body/fullness are the same – sounds blindingly obvious, but it’s hard to re manifest the feeling – it’s the androgynous third to the male emptiness / female fullness thing, sort of a purer creativity that doesn’t need the coming together of male and female to create.

How ‘you’ can do something to ‘get’ differently enlightened – if retraining your system isn’t doing something we need to talk about the definition of doing. Simply getting your system to stop perpetuating production as a means of evading the Being Here Now is an excellent activity, and if you tell me I can’t do that you’re probably confused who you’re talking to.

Somabile: carried by the body, as all this bullshit is after all, how could that hang together let allone carry itself by itself?

New subtitle from:… jjgo.

I’d be way more willing to offer myself (??? maybe make me active and the guru the sacrificer? to be edited) to a guru if I felt he had a feeling of humility and was willing to get close to me and give me stuff. (This means that I’d still be very unwilling to do that, it’s just that it seems like such a surreally dumb thing to do to me now.)

vereniging voor herintroductie van uitstervende woorden: kukelen.

I don’t know if dykes are more likely to be attracted to the side of me that I would most like to be attractive for, and I don’t know how much ms. neighbour identifies with her bisexual tendencies, but I’ll tell you that if she came and told me, to my face, that she’d like to maybe chow down on some pretty rug again sometime soon, I’d totally egg her on. (did you notice how I said ‘egg’? Yeah okay more witty than funny.)

Include sound clips, e.g. Jordan with the subtitle, there was something in the latest savage lurvecast, and that one percussion line in Votono was really cute. Would probably make the blog a lot more engaging.

Why I like to preach – how it could even be a valid urge.

Untitled #2 (issues)

I’m way more bothered by waiting for, and not getting, answers to my messages to people on OkCupid than I expected. First approximation as to why: it’s another way of being reminded of early experiences with my parents, where I would try to show them something of myself and they would effectively flat-out refuse to react in any way that was intelligible to me. I know about how I crave the feeling of being seen and of being supported, and although that need isn’t being met at all well at the moment, I feel I’ve become quite capable of keeping it in perspective, and reassuring myself that I’ll get that fixed somehow soon, and that a lack of mirroring and support in an ongoing conversation is not as threatening as the same situation used to feel when I was five years old. Still, I feel I’m missing a beat here. I’m encountering a variation on something I’ve already got a grip on, that feels familiar enough that I thought I’d be able to handle it way better than I turn out to be. Well that’s disappointing.

On the other hand, it occurs to me that although the risk of getting overwhelmed by shock and confusion is still pretty much there in full force, a new maneuver I’m starting to employ much more than before is getting righteously pissed off with anyone who act like this. Tewtelly unfair to those probably really nice people at OkCupid of course, but rather healthier for me. I’ll keep in mind that I’d do well to figure out a way to direct that anger to worthier targets of course, but in the mean time I’m determined to suppress my reflex need to be apologetic about innocent bystanders getting spattered with stray sprays of bile.

In other words, through editing this post it’s become clear to me that I honestly feel that whoever doesn’t answer my messages can go fuck themselves. In fact I hope they do, so that they’ll be in a better mood when (not if) they decide to answer my messages after all.